On Personal Sovereignty

The last few months of my life have been centered on accepting and embracing personal sovereignty. This theme has been brewing in my life for years but the actual implementation and acceptance of that energy of true sovereignty has just begun to blossom.

It was in this space I found healing. Physical healling from a spiritual problem that has plagued me for nine years. I’ll spare you the weird details but the crux was in my deciding to finally stand in my sovereignty, embracing boundaries no matter how hard they were to set and keep. This physical manifestation of my refusal to stand in myself as a sovereign being may always be with me if even just to show, “Hey, love. Your boundaries are getting thin. You aren’t standing in your sovereignty. Take some time and make it right. Then keep going.”

What I have discovered over the last year is my willingness to play victim to not be alone. Not necessarily in a “woe-is-me” way. Anyone who knows me knows I don’t want your fucking pitty, but life had been hard and I accepted the hard without being relentless in my approach to finding ease. Is life still hard now in my sovereignty? Yes and no.

There exists almost a duality now. Hard things do happen. Emotions still occur, old thought patterns still cycle. BUT I choose how to react. I am not bound to who I was. Not even to who I was one millisecond ago. I choose again and again and again. Some days are still hard physically but not instead of being upset about what is happening I embrace that my body, mind, and soul are telling me I need to rest.

I accept that personal sovereignty also means I accept YOUR sovereignty. This means we can disagree. I can love you despite the fact that we may see the world through completely different lenses. I accept you for where you are and who you are right now. Do I wish the whole world could experience this insane freedom and responsibility of sovereignty? Hell yes! Do I also understand it comes for you when it comes for you? Also, hell yes.

I wish more than anything that i could explain the road that brought me here, but it’s a long story. One with twists and turns I saw coming and at the same time was shocked at every turn. I do know it took baby steps. Years and years of baby steps. The weird part of being on this journey is not knowing how to tell you to find this road. But perhaps that makes perfect sense because if you followed on my path, you’d be me. Not you. You have to find your own way to yourself.