Out of the Woods

March was one of those months that just happened. I didn’t realize how inward I had turned until I checked on my last blog post which was in February and March was almost gone. Here it is a week into April and I’m still having a hard time getting into the groove of anything not absolutely required of me.

Truth is: I needed to process. I’m still processing but I’m not so in-the-thick-of-it that I can’t communicate. I feel somewhat renewed, much more creative, and a little shell-shocked. I had one of those realizations that knocks you off of your feet and you just go through the motions until you surface again. It will have to suffice to say that I was in an abusive marriage and healing is a continuing process. I’m not saying that as a victim or whoa-is-me. It is what it is and there are times I have to retreat so that I can come back better and stronger into my life.

It has always been interesting to me how life circles. Friends, places, thoughts, ideas, traumas, healing all circle around as if I am on a carousel and see the same few things over and over again. Sometimes it is exhausting other times it is comforting because it will always come back around. It is especially comforting with healing. I don’t have to do it all right this second. I don’t have to feel this way forever when it is deep and dark and the processing takes all of me. It will eventually fade and I will emerge better than I was when I was cast back into the healing space. The darkness never lasts too long. You could also say then neither does the light but what fun is that? Truthful maybe but dwelling only on how long the darkness lasts makes it seem that much deeper. The same can be said for the light. You dwell on it and when it will be back and enjoy every second of it and it makes it that much more glorious. As the saying goes, “What you focus on grows.”

So I’m here. Back into the light and ready to write and create and be expressive again. There is a potager (garden) that I started that already has sweet little sprouts coming up after only five days and my girl and I are elated. I’m a little less elated that I found a coral snake where I was working (under a piece of cardboard which of course there was a snake there but still). I’m here.

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