For now, not forever.

Seriously this last little bit has been heavy. I have plans, I write out schedules and to-do lists and then I just feel blessed if I got myself out of bed the next day. I'm not sure I've ever experienced a low like this. Normally there is crying or anger or SOMETHING but there was nothing coming to the surface.

Last night I finally made myself get on the mat and practice yoga. Of course at some point I started bawling because I was holding it all in. I ended my practice sitting in front of my mirror, looking into my own eyes, telling myself it would all be okay. All of the worries and fears... all the things I have no control over. They will all be okay. 

"Okay" doesn't even mean that it will end up the way I want, or the way I see fit. What it means is that I will keep going for as long as I am here, no matter what. It will be okay. I will be okay... my hope isn't in this life, after all. My hope is that I have a Savior who loves and cares for me, who cares for all of us. 

This world can be a dark and scary place. It can also be a place of light and love. I want my life to shine like a light, reflecting Him so that others can see Love. The news is heavy and it seems each week to bring more and more heaviness along with it. Every day I think, "Why do I read this?" Maybe it is just to remember that this isn't my final destination. This isn't home. This is my stop for now, not forever.