Dangerous Hope

There’s not one of us that this year hasn’t touched. It seems that we are all being sifted. In my own world, all of my personal issues and past baggage have come out of the woodwork screaming.

It has been an interesting experience that while I retreat inward to deal with the issues and baggage I am fully processing this layer of bullshit instead of just acknowledging that they exist. I am fully holding all the things and weighing and measuring them myself. I am fully opening myself to examine… what does this (pick an issue) mean in a broader sense? Is this a pattern in my life? Is this something I have ignored? Is this something new or old? And how can I integrate this more fully into my person? Or does it need to given gratitude and let go?

To be sure no change is quick or ever easy. I have evolved immensely and I know I’m not the only one. I have discovered more about myself this year than in the last ten combined. I’ve become dissatisfied with the way things have been. I want growth and I want change… So I stretch for it.

Odd to me that I did not consciously choose this. It just began happening… I didn’t even notice it until my boo (my ultimate bff) pointed it out. As I was crying on her couch and we were talking through all the things she stopped and she said, “But I’m so proud of you… you have things coming from all angles (named them) and you still you pick every one up… and think okay… what can I do with this?”

I believe more than ever in having dangerous hope… in the kind that scares the sh*& out of you and everyone around you. I believe in being the fool and jumping knowing that Love will catch me. I believe in a firm rock and a firm foundation for my feet while the world is swirling around me and I’m being taught… this… this is who you are.

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